when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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