I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
