he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
