Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
