i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sext me about skeletons
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
