So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
