She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
