It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
