4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
