Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
