NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
