I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
