watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
