As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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