I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
