Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
