dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
