This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
