I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
