I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
