dude i'm inner monologue high
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
