if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
only you would photoshop your dick
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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