I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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