I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
