alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
