I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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