have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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