so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
