I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
