WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A bitchslap is in order.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
