i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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