I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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