Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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