Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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