wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't deserve a penis
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
