yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
