Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i came on her dog
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
