I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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