end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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