how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
