If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
