In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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