I can feel you judging me through the phone.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
