i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
