I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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