i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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