I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
