I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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