There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
