I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
