Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
