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So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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