Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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